Thursday, October 13, 2011

The bane of my existence

I am going to start this off by saying that I am a "dog person."  I love dogs.  I really, really do and I think I might have given the wrong impression of my feelings when I suggested that I hoped a raccoon was eating one of my dogs.  I don't hope raccoons eat all dogs and I don't hate all dog....but I do hate one dog and unfortunately she just so happens to be my dog, Bug Schmidt (and yes I know what that sounds like).  In fact I would gladly trade Bug for any of the following dogs:
Old Yeller, even after he got rabies.


And of course Marley
Marley, you have nothing on my dog!  I openly wept like a little girl for the 5 chapters you were dying.  You might have been feisty and destructive, but at least you were loveable.  You were not this:
*Disclaimer-I may have doctored this photo
Here are the top (but not the only) reasons I HATE Bug:

* She steals food from my kids...often from their mouths.  Our other two dogs will take food also, but food that is dropped on the ground or on their proper dogs!  Bug will literally jump up and snatch it from their little hands right before it makes it to their little mouths. 

*She has turrets.  I bet you didn't know a dog could have turrets, and I didn't either until I met Bug.  Little dogs are known for their yap, but this dog goes beyond yap.  She really has uncontrollable vocalization...this is especially unfortunate because her bark is so ear piercingly sharp that your ears actually start to bleed. 

*She humps my cat.  Yes, SHE.  One of the reasons we got all girl dogs was to avoid the whole humping thing.  It is especially uncomfortable when the kids ask me what Bug is doing.  Inter-species lesbianism is not a topic I want to delve into with a 2 and 4 year old.  I usually just say that Bug wants a piggy back ride.
Please don't alert PETA.  I know I should have been helping my poor cat and not taking a picture.  But come on, who was going to believe me without the evidence. 
*She has bathroom issues...and she does it out of spite...I swear.

*She unzips diaper bags and knocks over trash cans.  This, as you can imagine, makes a huge mess.

* She bites.

* She runs away and I have spent the better part of a morning chasing that dumb animal all over the neighborhood...once in my pajamas...without a bra (and Amanda @Runninghood- there is no way I would want to join the fictitious bra-less running movement!).

So why would I chase her??  If I hate her so much, why wouldn't I just let her go (and believe me, I've thought about it).  She is so naughty, but I chase her because of this guy:

For some reason he loves this dog, and I love him.  I know he would be devastated if something happened to his beloved dog.  So she is here to stay (and fortunately mini pins live like 20 years!  Yippee!!!).

In closing I would like to remind you:
Does anyone else have a naughty dog? 


  1. Ugh. That IS a naughty dog. We had one growing up that was 'given' to us (gee I wonder why). He'd take a treat out of your hand then bite you and oh so much more. I feel for you.
    I love dogs too but not ones like that. I'll bet a dog whisperer/trainer would have lots to say about Bug.

  2. That picture about did me in. Poor poor kitty. How nice of her to give Bug a piggy back ride :D
    This dog is just too much! I'm not sure how I would handle it. I put up with A.LOT. from our last dog - it was so hard to have babies and deal with him, too. There is only so much a mama can take with these situations. I'm with Marcia - I think an intervention might be in order. How old is Bug?

  3. Bug is only 6, so we have a ways to go! I agree with you ladies about an intervention! Caesar Milan, if you are reading this...HELP!!!

  4. OMG, That's so hilarious! I feel for ya....My dogs are both little shits. One of them, when he's in trouble, he pretty much acts like he forgets his name. Like what, you talking to me????

  5. OMG I am laughing so hard right now I just ruined my mascara job! LOL! :) Oh gotta love the demonic dogs of our loved ones!

  6. YOU ARE SO FUNNY! I'm blessed to have the best dog on earth. Never barks, bites or anything. LUCKY me. Sorry for you though....I mean humping a cat?

    Get Up & Go

  7. OMG the cat and dog photo made me spit out my coffee. Darn funny.


  8. My dog is also very well behaved and fortunately, we have none of the issues you describe (phew0. However, my girl dog does do the hump-d'-hump to her sister! Her littermate lives across the street and Bella occasionally gets her groove on w/ her sister.....

    We encourage free expression :)

  9. I LOOOOOOVE my dog, but I am scared one day the man in my life will feel the same way about her as you do Bug. She has a great heart, but she is pretty high strung!

  10. I too am a dog lover but NOT a fan of min-Pins. Your post cracked me up. I have no idea what to tell you, but I do feel for you. Maybe one of your other dogs will "accidentally" off her??? (I can't believe I just typed that.)

  11. Traffic in miami is suckith too, so I try not to drive here either :)

    We have two cats and I just posted how one it a bit of a terror, tracking litter everywhere, waking us up all night...and yet we love 'em