Saturday, December 3, 2011

How to piss off the natives

I have lived in Colorado for over 10 years.  You'd think I would have learned by now.  You'd think I'd have figured out what and what not to say to the natives.  Apparently not.

There are two things you don't badmouth around Coloradoans:  The Broncos and snow.  In that order....or maybe it is the other way around, I can't remember.  Uttering distaste for either does not make friends.  Fortunately, I like the Broncos.  Unfortunately, I loath, hate, despise, and detest snow.  I would have gone on but it would have involved me getting a thesaurus and I think you get the point.  

Yeah, people here love the stuff.  If you don't believe me just check out my Facebook feed after a snowstorm.  Every status update says stuff like, "Oh goody it's snowing." "How beautiful this snow is." "My life now has meaning because it is snowing." "I'm actually crying tears of joy over this awesome snow." "It is snowing and it is literally the most magical, wonderful thing that has ever happened to me."  Are you kidding me?  Barf!  Okay, maybe I made some of those up but people here really like when it snows.  You'd think it never happens, but we have on average 48 snow days a year and the only two months that show no average snow fall are July and August (that's a fact).

Knowing that people love snow and they get offended (like you just insulted their mother offended) I should just keep my mouth shut, right?  Well maybe I am slow to learn, or maybe I just couldn't resist.  I posted this picture on Facebook.  I took it from Steve in a Speedo.  It was actually about Minnesota's seasons but I thought it was spot on for Colorado:

It looked pretty accurate to this Southern California chick.  But of course the natives had things to say about it.  I am pretty shocked my house didn't get egged because some of those people know where I live.  So I am going to try to defend myself here and hopefully make amends to the Coloradoans I inadvertently offended. 

First of all, I am sorry I insulted Colorado.  Second, I don't actually mind all the love for snow....I don't get it....but I don't mind it.  And, I actually love reading the Facebook posts about snow.  But don't expect me to join in the jubilation when it starts snowing.  And please understand where I am coming from.

Here is a graph of average temperature in Camarillo, CA, where I was born and raised.

As you can see our four seasons are cool, warm, awesome, and awesomer.  My body just wasn't raised to live with the 60 degree temperature shift that happen over the course of a DAY here.  Now here is the graph for average temperature for Littleton, CO, where I currently reside.
As you can see the seasons here are: too hot, almost winter, winter, still winter, and spring blizzards.  Do you understand my problem now and why I might think that pie chart was accurate.

I hate snow and being cold.  I do and that is not going to change.  HOWEVER, I have grown to LOVE Colorado.  Shhhh, don't tell anyone I said it, but I do.  Despite that fact that it snows constantly (I know it doesn't but it feels like it!!!) this is the place that I now call home.  I love that there are over 300 days of sunshine a year.   I love raising my family here. I love looking out my front door and seeing the Rocky Mountains.  I love the friends that I have made.  I love how active Colorado is and how easy it is to find a great race to do!  I love that I am not constantly breathing a layer of smog or sitting in traffic for hours on end.  It really is a fantastic place to live. 

I miss a lot of things about Southern California.  The weather, the ocean, my hands not cracking and bleeding every winter, and some pretty cool people that still live there.  But Colorado is home for me and I couldn't be happier about it and I couldn't imagine leaving.  I am still going to complain about the snow though...every single time!

What are your feelings on snow??  Anyone else hate it, or am I alone here??

To my Colorado friends:  Do you forgive me or are you going to run me out of the state.  I'll go buy a Tebow jersey.  Does that help??