Sunday, November 27, 2011

Worst. Diet. Ever.

A few posts back I might have alluded to the fact that I have been wearing a lot of spandex pants because my regular pants weren't fitting.  I unfortunately wasn't making a joke, I really am having a hard time squeezing my butt into my regular pants.  It isn't like I've gained 30 pounds, but when you're 5'4" there is no place to hide an extra 5...okay, 7 pounds.

I'll admit it, I have been avoiding things with zippers for awhile and getting away with it because I am a stay at home mom and fortunately (or unfortunately) I don't have a dress code.  This was all fine and good until Thursday....Thanksgiving.  I guess I could have sported my spandex, but thought it would be a tad inappropriate.

 I finally went up to change into "real clothes" and told my husband I would be down in a few minutes.  After 10 minutes passed he came up and said, "Uh, what's going on here?"  Clothes were strewn about, I was visibly upset, and clearly not wearing any pants.  Upon surveying the scene, I think he was slightly concerned that he would show up late with a half dressed wife.  I replied that I was "trying to fit my fat butt into some pants."  He did what every smart husband does...he ran away.

I spent the next five minutes trying to find the least offensive option and arrange that option in the least offensive way.  What was worse, a camel toe or a muffin top?? ( In case you're wondering, a camel toe is always worse.)  I finally settled on something and sulked my way to Thanksgiving dinner.  My husband, bless his heart, tried to cheer me up but it was to no avail.  I found myself wishing I could drop a few pounds quickly so I could fit back into something that was made of a non-stretch material.

You know what they say, be careful what you wish for.

My wish did come true.  I dropped some pounds, and quickly at that.  Unfortunately, it was because I was infected with the dreaded stomach flu.  Words cannot express how much I hate the stomach flu.  When introduced to this nasty virus my stomach's motto is always "go big or go home."  I guess you can call me an upchuck overachiever.  I become violently ill and I have often begged my husband to show some mercy and kill me already.  He never does, which I suppose is a good thing, but at the time it just seems cruel.
This was my Black Friday shopping bag.
 A day of not eating (and involuntarily getting rid of everything you ate) and a day of eating saltines and vegetable broth will really get the scale moving....but so not worth it...So. Not. Worth it.  I will always choose a muffin top over a night with my head in the toilet bowl.

I am finally feeling human again and I am desperately behind in everything.  This week will be full of catching up and getting back into the gym.  That flu weight has a way of returning quickly and I really do want to zip up my pants!  This is also (hopefully) my last week in the heinous post-op shoe.  I get x-rayed at the end of the week and if all is well I will be cleared to bike (oops already doing that) and swim.  I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I see the light!!

A final inquiry: how many HBBC points do you think I can get for my night of puking?  By my calculations I have about 6 straight hours of a very intense core workout.  What do you think, does it count? 

Hope everyone had a much better Thanksgiving weekend!!   

Any good stories from the Holiday?

Anyone brave the stores this weekend??