Thursday, September 22, 2011

Bad car karma

***Warning, really bad joke***

"Why did the girl get two flat tires in three weeks?"
"She had bad car-ma!"
Cue rim shot and groans.

Yeah, that was a really bad joke, but I have gotten two flat tires in three weeks.  What are the odds?  They have to be pretty astronomical and let's just say I'm not going out in a thunder storm anytime soon.  And no, by the way, I did not learn to change a flat since the last one.  Road side assistance saved my butt this time (Thank you Lori for reminding me I had that!).
Same story, different tire.

 The only explanation I have for this misfortune is bad karma...bad car karma.  I feel the car gods are punishing me.  They are laying down razor blades and nails in my path for all the tailgating and speeding I do.  (And I admit it, I tailgate.  I view it as a form of communication.)  It is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with.

Here are a few things I learned from the latest round of car misfortune:
  • I should really learn how to change a flat.  Even as I type this I know that isn't going to happen.  Look, I understand the basic mechanics of changing a flat.  I also understand the basic mechanics of a vasectomy, it doesn't mean I am going to perform either one.  I think somethings are better left to the professionals.
  • It is far worse to get a flat tire with two small children than by yourself.  It is especially worse when those children learn that they will be going to the tire store instead of the zoo.  This is not a comparable switch for a 2 and 4 year old.  There is going to be a lot of crying.
  • Buying them candy at the gas station will stop this crying.  It will be worth every penny and future cavity.
  • Even 2 year olds think gas station bathrooms are disgusting.  They might refuse to go and you better bring a back up pull-up.
  • Guys who come to change flats can be totally cool dudes...but they might try to pick you up.  The guy who changed mine was such a nice guy and he was really funny.  I would have totally gone and had a beer with him afterwards if I didn't have the kids with me or I wasn't married or I liked beer.  Single ladies, this might be a good way to pick up guys.
  • This one is actually a practical thing.  When your car tells you that you have a flat, stop.  Stop right where you are.  Don't keep driving to find a good place.  I didn't drive that far, but it was far enough to ruin the tire.  That was a $250 mistake.
  • Driving on a donut sucks.  You can't go over 45 mph and this is especially bad when you are 30+ miles from home and you usually speed.  It will take you about a fortnight to get home and the kids will be completely insane.
  • You are going to be the cause of a lot of road rage.  Everyone is going to pass you.  Minivans, school buses, mopeds, maybe a bike or two.  Everyone of those people is going to glare at you when they pass.  In hindsight, I should have put some sort of sign on my car explaining the reason I was going so slow.  
So there you have it.  It looks like maybe I should work on improving my car karma a little bit.  Will I actually do it?  Will I stop speeding?  Hmm, I think I will get to that right after I learn how to change a flat.


  1. Poor thing you! I can't stand getting a flat tire. I do know how to change them though', thanks to my dad.

  2. Oh sucktastic.

    Although, this made me laugh, bc I TOTALLY get it.
    " Look, I understand the basic mechanics of changing a flat. I also understand the basic mechanics of a vasectomy, it doesn't mean I am going to perform either one."


  3. That sucks!! Thank goodness for AAA

    PS if it wasnt for the picture, I would have thought for a bit that you meant a bike flat

  4. One day I broke a chain on my bike. I made it into a single speed. My buddy volunteered to follow me back to the car and he blew 4 tires and we got lost. We had to have his wife pick us up. There was a lot of adult whining in the car. The broken chain broke my rear derailleur. That was about a $200 fix when all said and done. I wish his wife would have stopped at the store for candy. It would have made everything better. :-)


  5. I have gotten a few bike flats too, including one in my first ever tri! I do know how to change a bike flat now.

  6. Boo to flat tires! I had a massive blowout once, talk about scary. The Caveman just came home with what looked like a vampire stake through his tire. What is up lately??